Its About Time!

This is a blog that is longer over due and I have wanted to write for sometime. I only hope that I can get through it with out the kids causing some sort of major catastrophe! Lately we have had a lot of experiences that would cause a person to stop and think about life. Some of these are a direct result of experiences in our lives and some are experiences happening to other people, but really parallel our own lives. Two events really stand out though. One is that we have a friend Dit who wants to move here. Her parents and family are encouraging her not to go through with this. Dit has been asking for a lot of advice and although there are a lot of things I could say, in the end I am still going through the same thing and those e-mails could have been written by my family. And what is hard is that everything in those letters is true. The other event that inspired this blog is that I had a brief conversation with one of my best friends. In 2010 I will have known her 30 years! I don't talk to her often as she is not a phone person and I e-mail her even less as she is not an e-mailer. She is now hanging out with my sister and suprise, suprise, they get along great! Anyone who knows my sister, knows she is the same way.....Although at least my sister does e-mail. Although not as often as some of us. Anyway, I was trying to convey a lot of things all in a 20 minute phone call and I realized that it just wasn't possible and not only that it probably left a confusing negative image. So I am going to do my best to write a blog that will hopefully explain my life here in Israel and why my life took the turn that it did.

Somewhere between my experiences in college and my entry into "adulthood" I decided that I wanted to learn more about Judaism. I had friends who were becoming more active in Judaism and friends who were becoming more active in their own quest for spirituality. This included many different religions and philosophies. But the one thing I did notice, is that no matter which religious doctrine they were following, there was a certain amount of peace within them about trusting things to a higher power and by having that spirituality and those guidelines they making serious personal growth. This was something that I really wanted to explore. Although my quest was not so strong at the begining. When I started dating D he was also on the same quest and together we started taking classes at one of the local synagogues. D is one of the people who, the more he knows the more questions he asks and the more he wants to learn. I prefer a thumbnail sketch of things and doing what is convenient at the time. After we got married we proceeded to get more involved in the Jewish community, me still working on the little things and D ready to change is life style. It finally became a battle (at least in my mind) of North and South. Yep, the good ol' civil war. While I wanted to become more spiritual with out actually changing my life, D was ready to jump in and go kosher, keep shabbos and all those good things that really involve some deep thinking. I did the outraged thing, I did the "NO WAY!" thing, and I did a lot of whining to friends and family. All were big mistakes. Because what I did not do was really think things through. In the end, I decided to give it a try and thus entered into our life of Orthodox Judaism. Why did I do this in the end? After all I could have said no and just let him do his own thing, I could have gotten divorced, after all this was not the person I married and we had agreed to keep things simple, I could have just said "NO" and thrown the ball in his court. But in the end, I decided that getting divorced because my husband was looking for the moral high ground seemed a bit ridiculous. After all he wasn't suggesting we take up recreational drug use or bank robbing (although I might go for the latter now if he suggested it!) And I did want to broaden my education and my invovement in Judaism. So I got it! We have growing spirtually for the last 8 years. Sometimes with ease and sometimes with struggle. Our next major change came with having kids, I was not for having kids growing up and new that if I was still undecided about kids by 30 I would not have them and take measures to make sure it did not happen. I think I also did not expect to be married either though. But somewhere in the scheme of things this also changed and we had S just in time for my 30th birthday. Another change that met with some resistance. Whether or not a person is willing to take on the responsibilityof feeding, clothing and shaping a human being is an intense and difficult decision for some people. Me included, but fortunately my husband saved me from my insecure and selfish ways before it was too late. I am now the happy, proud mother of 3 children, whom I only want to leave at the zoo every other day instead of every day! Y&M were a bit of a suprise, we had planned for one, not two, but we knew we did want another one because we already had one and we knew that we probably did not want an only child. Which left one major change. Moving to Israel. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I love traveling and living in a foreign country is not out of my scope and never was. We talked about moving to Israel and living there for a couple of years from the minute we got married. We also discussed Peace Corps. But we kept waiting for my husband to get on with the ever elusive fire fighting job which never materialized. This inspired our month long visit in 2003. We were both in a position to be gone for a month and knew that we might never have that opportunity again. At this time I became pregnant with S. Now we had a difference of opinion again. I felt we should stay in America for two years to let S bond with the family so they would know him when we moved. D wanted to move ASAP. In the end we compromised on a year. And we moved shortly after S's first b-day.

When we moved here we came on a program called Nefesh'B'Nefesh. Their goal is to help people move to Israel and stay here. They require a 3 year commitment or else, recipients are required to give back the money they receive. This can range for a few hundred dollars to thousands of dollars. So we pretty much figured we were here for at lease 3 years. But when we came I had no idea what would happen. I was even prepared to come back after 6mo. or a year. But it has now been 3 and a half years and it is our home and our life now. We plan to be here long term, but I think to say we will be forever is too much to say. Things change, people, politics, economies, philosophies, etc. Right now we are here, but things change and we could move back too.

So why the story of my life? Anyone who knows me, knows this story already. But I felt it was important to add the explanations as to why we did the things we did to the naration.

And now the next chapter, "Why are we staying here instead of moving back?" First, because we like it here. We like that there is a country which revolves around our religion not the one that dominates mainstream America. There is nothing wrong with practicing another religion and I don't fault America for taking Dec. 25 off instead of Rosh Hashanah, but we don't celebrate Dec. 25 and we do celebrate Rosh Hashanah, so the natural course is to go somewhere to be with people of the same mind set. We love that our kids are growing up knowing what it means to be Jewish and understand first hand why Israel is so important to the Jewish people and that they are Jews and that it is important to them. Growing up, I think my sister got the idea and she really understands being Jewish, although I don't know her opinion on Israel. I am more of a hands on kind of person, if it is not affecting my immediate little world, I can't relate to it. Now I can relate to Judaism and the importance of its role in my life, that of my kids and that of the world. I love that my kids will have that understanding too. What they choose to do with their knowledge will ultimately be their decision, but at least they will have the whole picture and not just part of it. Not only will see the religious side of life, but they will learn from their family in America what religion means to them. From the variety of guests we have in our house, they will learn what Judaism means to all different kinds of people. I don't want to shelter my kids, I just want them to have the whole picture.

On an intelectual perspective, I love knowing that my kids will bi-lingual with out a doubt! I love knowing that they will already know more about the world then I did because they will have a connection here and to America. Plus I hope to be able to travel with them to Europe some day...

And on an economic sense, it is more pratcical. First, we have had reason to need to see a lot of specialists lately in the medical sense. If we lived in America, there is no way in the world we could afford to see them. Everything is co-pay and specialists are not always covered by insurance and with the rising costs of healthcare, the number of tests a doctor can run is limited with out bankrupting the patient. So for medical alone we are saving hundreds of dollars. Second, the economic picure in America is not so rosy, and we are not sure we want to jump onto a sinking ship. We don't make a lot of money here, but at least we know where we stand and we have a higher probability of increasing our earnings here than we will in America, contrary to popular belief.

I know that our decisions do not sit well with our friends, with our family. We have seen all sides, from total support, to absolute resentment. Some people blame me, fine, others feel D is soley to blame. It is hard for us too. We miss our friends, we miss our families. It is hard to see photos of vacations and get togethers, of babies and babies who are toddlers now, and know that we are missing out on all that. And we are sad that those same people are missing out on our lives too. My in-laws and my mom and aunt are the only ones to meet the twins. To rest of our American circle they are just people in a story, not real like S.

But what is truly frustrating are those people who feel that by supporting us, they will be compromising their opinion of us being over here. I understand that "YOU" are not happy with us, or our decisions. I understand that what we have done does not make sense in "YOUR" book, but it does not mean that when something is stressful or challenging you can't ask "Are you OK?" Don't give me silence when I talk about a family illness or when I talk about how something is stressful. Yes, I understand I made these decisions, but all choices in life bring stress. If we had stayed in America there would be stress there too, just different. I am a stressed out person by nature, I just choose to talk about it more now, because I was told along time ago that I did not open up enough. Now that I do open up, I met with silence and confusion, because to voice sympathy might be considering condoning this kind of reckless behavior. And please don't blame my husband for these choices. We ALL have choices in life and no one beat me into these choices and no one put a gun to my head and said live your life like this or else! I made these decisions so if you are going to hate someone, make it me. Not my husband. He is not a bad person and he did not do anything wrong, except try to create a lifestyle that would encompass all the values that we find important and that in general most people in the world find important.

I am extremely grateful to all those people who support us, who put up with the whining, the happy, the sad, who work hard to be a part of our lives even though we live a zillion miles away. And to be a part of the kids lives. Along time ago I had a friend who got married at an age I thought too young, to a person I did not feel was marriage material. So I told her what I thought, but then told her, that I still loved her and would support her no matter what. They are still together and I still support her, no matter what! And it has been both happy and difficult. So please, please to those of you who think we are running around with loose screws, ( you'd be right), you don't have to agree with us, just support us and love us no matter what!

Maybe this blog will help "YOU" understand why we are here and what we are doing. Or maybe it won't, but at least "YOU" will have something else to think about and maybe the next time you think of us, it will be in a different light.