Selective Mutisim

Essentially Selective Mutisim is the inability to speak in certain situations. It is generally thought to be genetic and tends to show itself when a child first enters a social situation such as pre-school. Children that are not diagnosed have the chance of "outgrowing" this but the underlying cause will never go away, the communication disorder will simply present itself in some other format. These are obviously general ideas and guidelines, but this is Selective Mutisim in a nutshell. I know all this about Selective Mutisim because a few months ago my daughter was diagnosed with it. When she started school last year she became incredibly shy and would not speak at school. Like most parents with children like this, we assumed that as she adjusted to school, she would outgrow it. We were already having her tested for learning differences, but this had yet to pop up on the radar and we did not get her tested in time to get her into a more specialized school. Or so we thought. This fall we got a call asking if we wanted to put M in a specialized school still. First I said, "no" then I thought I better talk to her teacher. I got the same thing as last year. She is very smart and she understands Hebrew and she knows how to do everything, but she won't talk. A few weeks later she was diagnosed with Selective Mutisim. It would be another few weeks before she was put into a new school and yet another few weeks before I understood what this meant. At the beginning of December right before Channukah vacation, her teacher encouraged me to do the research so I could understand what she is going through. I now realize just how damaging this disorder can be without treatment.

With Selective Mutisim, normally out going children become incredibly fearful interacting in certain situations. For each child it is different. There were cases of children who only interact at home, but not anywhere else. Some who will not even interact in front of grandparents. Many of the children interviewed were age 7 and up and were only just getting diagnosed, they used wipe boards and erasable pens to communicate in class and to the people interviewing them. One girl would not interact with the interviewers at all. One girl explained that when she tries to speak in class her throat closes up and it is literally painful for her to speak. These girls are generally considered to be the most outgoing at home. Although with one girl, her parents and family completely left her undiagnosed and she went from being a top student to nearly flunking out. Her family labeled her stupid and lazy and she nearly went agoraphobic. She says she is now in college and doing better.

As for us, I knew M got shy starting pre-school, but she is generally outgoing with everyone who comes into the house, so I had no idea. She is shy when she goes out and is too shy to speak to her teachers and friends, to the point where she hides behind me. Except for one friend she had in her previous school. Although she never spoke to her. It seems that although this disorder is genetic most parents are shocked to discover their children have it. M is now getting therapy at school and she says she is singing with her class. I don't know if she really is. But perhaps one of the biggest eye openers for me was when her teacher called to ask if she could have a certain treat and when I spoke to M, she did not answer me back. I had to hear from her teacher that she was nodding her head and acknowledging me. I realized it is because she is too afraid to speak in front of her teacher. Her head teacher says it is hard to work with her because she does not communicate, but that she is a good girl and she is smart and doing fine. I am happy that her teachers are treating her as an intelligent girl and not dumbing her down because of this one condition. In a few weeks I will meet with the teachers and see how she is doing and what we can do at home to help her. In the meantime, we treat her like a normal child and deal with her as we would the other two, or as much as we can when we have 3 kids with every different needs. Suffice to say parenting here is never a routine job and we are always on our toes!