This week marks our 6th anniversary in Israel. I don't use a particular day in general because our journey began on the night of Dec. 25 when we left Portland, Oregon. It was beginning of a 4 day trip with 2 full days in New York in between. Leaving was hard, we left the night of my mom's 60th birthday and when we made the reservations I forgot to figure in travel and pre-check in time, so we missed most of her party. That has always been a big regret and was a huge mistake on our part. D, S (who was one yr. at the time), and I left with 2 suitcases and a carry on each and that was all we brought to Israel. No lift would be coming after us as that plan got canceled at the last minute. We arrived in Israel on Dec. 28, 2004, our official aliyah date, around 6:00am I think; and we spent our first New Year's Eve with friends already living here.
Rosh Hashana is supposed to be our time of reflection, what we are doing right, what we need to improve upon. However, while I do use Rosh Hashana for my personal transgressions, December is my time of reflection about my life. It marks the separation from my family which difficult for all of us and it also marks each passing year that I become more ingrained into Israeli society.
Having been here 6 years I look around and wonder have I "successfully" integrated into Israeli society or I am an outsider looking in? Are my kids Israeli or are they hanging onto the culture of their American parents? Each day I have a different answer and it is a question I have been thinking about this month a lot. It is a thought that truly weighs on me every year and each year I think about it more and more.
When I think about 6 years ago, we lived in an immigrant apartment that was 2 rooms (bigger than what we left behind) but truly spartan. We had sleeping bags, but no blankets or sheets, not even plates or pots I think...I spoke NO Hebrew save about 10 words, I could recognize letters, but not really read them. We had one child who was a year old. We had NO clue how to get health care, pay bills, travel around the country, get a job, heck we barely knew how to connect with the outside world or even go shopping.
Now I look at our family and we are 5 not 3, our oldest is seven and we have twins that are 4 & 1/2. We had them at home with a doctor in attendance (our choice and much to the horror of our entire neighborhood, this is UNHEARD of in Israel, or mostly). We have a very spacious 4 bedroom apartment. We can pay our bills, we now live in a different community where we have been for almost 3 years. I am still behind the curve in Hebrew, but I can read and I can communicate. Not to say I wont switch to English 9 times out of 10 if the option is available. So maybe I am not bi-lingual in a fluent sense, but each year I make progress. Our kids are in school and doing pretty well. They have some issues, but I suspect they may have had them in America too. But I believe that they are more Israeli than American and I am glad. We have friends, we go places and do things when we can afford it and in a lot of ways we can see where we have become Israeli and left our American mentality behind. I now work from home and D keeps busy with free lance writing and learning Torah and dispensing copious amounts of bike and computer advice as well as a few other things. We still rely on a lot of things from America, such as shoes.... I love Bass (thank you mom for sending me two brand new pairs of Bass Weejuns!!!! I LOVE THEM and You TOO!) and my husband and the boys have wide feet. We have a hard time shopping for them here. Plus candy and snacks, and a few other things that are cheaper to get there than here. But over all I think we have come a long way.
Most people label "success" as whether or not we are financially secure. In that regard, I suppose we are considered failures. We live on a very tight budget and we rent, we don't own our apartment. But I have come to disagree with that assessment. Given our background and my husband's injuries from being a fire fighter we would probably be in pretty much the same circumstances. I can't imagine being able to work full time away from home any more than I can now, child care would be too expensive. The cost of Jewish education would be around $3,000 a month, not $300. Not to mention the socialized medical care here is much cheaper here and we get amazing medical care. The list goes on. We have figured costs on paper and it just is not practical for us to move to America. We know people who have moved back because they were in the medical field or sciences and for them I see it. They DO make more in America. And I guess with my current job I could make more, but not enough to make it worth our while to move back.
Had it just been us, I don't know if I would stay during those times when the going gets tough. But when it is just two people it is easy to try new things, to move to new places. However, with kids, as everyone knows, it is not that easy. Mostly for all the reasons above, but also simply because no matter how much the kids may sound or act American, they are Israeli and it would be an adjustment for them to move to America. Not only the mix of cultures and religions, but the fact that there would be no traveling about the country and still be able to go out to eat or to walk into a store and just buy something. My kids know a thing or two about other cultures and people. We read National Geographic and we talk about our non-Jewish friends and so on, but to live it would be another deal altogether.
I suppose the other thing that makes it easier on us, is that we did not leave high paying jobs behind. My husband was in the middle of going back to school and I was working part-time and trying to juggle a new baby. So the financial draw for us to come back is not big.
For us it is the family and friends. Or at least for me. My husband's parents come twice a year and he has never been close to his sister. So this arrangement works well for him. For me however, it is a challenge and a half. I come from a very close knit family and it is hard to know that I missing out on my nephews and my friends children growing up too. We have missed, births, weddings, serious illnesses and other times of happiness and challenges. I miss those things. Plus I miss watching Duck Football! We have no T.V. here, which I don't mind, except for about 3 months out of the year during football season. Although who am I kidding, I could never stay up to watch the games, I would be asleep in the first quarter....
It is a general consensus that it takes about 10 years to fully integrate into Israeli society. I don't know where we will be in another 4 years. But from the perspective of someone who has been here for 0-2 years, we are wise old owls. Compared to those who have been here 10 years or more, we are still on the green side and it will take more time to get settled; so no rush and no worries. And as for Israelis, a lot of them thought we should have known what was flying and how to speak the language the minute we got off the plane. I can't really blame them. I remember running into non-English speakers in America and it was really hard to be non-judgmental about their lack of English. G-d has a way of making us pay for judging other people's short comings....
So I guess over all, I feel like we are holding our own here and that in the coming year, experiences can only give us more wisdom not less. Even the pit falls here are an opportunity to learn..... I will be curious to see where we are in another year, but for now I will just take it as it comes. One day at a time.
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