Vacation and other thoughts

Why do I say that? Because in about 6.5 hours my mom and aunt arrive and that is what I will get, a 12 day vacation! Hurray! Not only will I get help with all the kids, but we will be going up North overnight and next week we will be staying in Jerusalem for a few nights. No cooking, cleaning or laundry and we will have one adult per kid, four when D. is around! I am really excited to see both my mom and aunt just on principal. I have a great time with them both and I am excited for them to see the kids and how much they have all grown. I am also excited for my aunt to get a sense of where we live and our life and what things are like. But I am also really greatful that when they come we get to go out to eat and hotels, etc. This is something we cannot afford and it is nice that they are willing to treat us. It is a very special treat and I know we are fortunate as a lot of people don't get this when their relatives come. The family comes in, takes off on vacation, but doesn't take with them the people they are visiting. Kind of sad, but often those people come to Israel a lot more or see each other a lot more I guess so it is different. But for us we are really lucky, so I am looking forward to my vacation time! In the meantime I am getting all the last minute details ready and the house cleaned! Yikes!

In other news, it seems that a lot of our discussions lately have focused on relationships, marriage and what makes a good marriage and family. I have had discussions where the parents should stay together at all costs, unless there is physical violence goingn on, I have heard another couple who thought that it was important for both parents to work full time so the kids would have a proper work ethic, and then there seems to be the opinion that the more financial stability one has the better everything is and the more intelligent one is. I have my own opinions on what makes a good family and a good marital relationship as well, but what I want to know is why does everyone think that they have the answer for everyone else. I have a lot of friends where the wife is the primary supporter, sometimes it is a good thing and other times the wife would like to be home more with the kids. I also know a lot of people where the wife works just part-time and is happy or not. And I know people who live on a smaller salary so that there is always one parent at home with the kids. I am of course making generic statements and that is my point. Everyone is different and what right do we have to look at someone and say, "Oh you are doing it all wrong and let me tell you why." It is OK to disagree with how someone lives their life and raises their kids, but unless there is abuse or child endangerment, how can someone else tell another person how to live their life and raise their kids. I think what people forget is that often kids adapt to way they are raised because they have to some extent the same personality as their parents. If a parent is very scheduled and organized, then it stands to reason that probably at least one of the kids will naturally fit that personality too. Except for me, according to a friend of ours, I am the "milkman's" child because she felt I never looked like either of my parents. Not true really, but sometimes in my personality and way the my life has gone, she just might be right. But then I deffinitely see some of my parents traits in me, it just happens that what traits are smaller in them are more dominant in me. Anyway, the point is, kids respond to how their parents respond to things. So for a family who is constantly on the go and the kids do well, it is probably because somewhere in them geneticaly they are programmed that way. But take a kid from a family who is on a schedule and dump into chaos and they will fry. They don't have it in them. Neither is the wrong way to raise a kid, it is just two different styles. So why am I on this topic, D.and I live such an off the wall life that most people just can't understand how we do it or why we do it. Now to be fair, this is something I was very reluctant about and yes, I have many moments where I would like to give it up, but at the same time I really can't see how we could live anywhere else either. So it seems that every few months we get comments from the same people about what we are doing wrong and how lonely and sad we are deep down inside and how can we live like that anyway....And then we spend the next few weeks defending ourselves until things settle down again. What I really want to know is why can't people leave well enough alone! I know there is genuine concern, but at the same time we have been having the same conversations for the last 2 years. And then I hear, well you seem down, you seem exasperated a lot, you stay in too much. Well let me tell you folks, you try being pregnant and sick with a very, very busy toddler, then turn that into twins and an even busier toddler and we will see how you do! We are supposed to be able to vent to our friends, but it seems that if I do that, then I have big problems! I have exactly two friends I can vent too who will not blow things out of proportion. I am now to the point I just tell people the simple truth. We have good days and bad days, just like everyone else. And when I really go nuts I have 3 people I can call. D. included. OK enough venting. I have to go clean. 5.5 hours and counting!