On Friday night we celebrate the Jewish New Year. It is a time of reflection, not only because it is a major religious holiday, but because it marks another passage of time. As the new year arrives I reflect on where I was a year ago both in my religious observance and in my personal life. A year ago I did not realize I was pregnant, even though I was. We had, had some friends of my husband's out for shabbat. It was a big party as my husband was switching from a Yeshiva to a Kollel and his friends threw a party for him to celebrate. All was well until motzei shabbat and I felt horrible all of a sudden. Soon after the whole family was sick. It took me about 2 weeks to realize I did not have what everyone else did! Last year we had a family of 3, now we have 5! With children, each new year is really a marker. I think back to when I was pregnant with our first child, then to the first year with a child, etc. It is exciting to see our oldest grow and enjoy the holidays more with each passing year as he begins to understand bits and pieces. Now we will have a new experience with the twins this year!
I think not only has this past year been a year in which our family has grown, but I feel that spiritualy I have accomplished a lot. I feel I have put more trust and faith in Hashem this year than in years past. It is freeing, because at some point I realized that once I have done what I can, it is no longer up to me. I can relax, instead of saying, "what if...." I now realize that all things happen for a reason and "what if..." didn't happen because it wasn't meant too. Although I know that some people in my life feel that my becoming religious has limited my life, I actually feel that it has broadend my life. There are many things I never would have experienced if I had remained in my former habits. Although there are things I miss, I still find a way to keep the important things close to me and fill in the holes with new things.
And speaking of new things...on to a different topic. S is into his third week of Gan and he is still having trouble adjusting. However, I feel more confident now that I am on the right track. I had a good conversation with his Gannenet from last year and she said that although he is one of the youngest, he should do fine. She agreed that it was a hard to call whether to send a child his age up to the next level or hold him back, but felt confident he would do OK in the end. The cut off is Channukah, his birthday is just two weeks before that cut off. So he really is one of the youngest, in the class. In fact I am not so sure who is under him except for one other boy who b-day is the day after his. I have decided that I will keep him in until the end of Dec. and if he still hates it I will pull him out and put him back in private Gan for another year. This gives us time to see where the problem is and how to help him adjust with reasonable time for re-evaluation.
On a side note, the twins are wonderful and getting bigger every day! They will be 4 months on Friday and it is hard to believe. Y is such a rollypolly and loves to smile and coo! He has such an innocence about him. M is long and lean and she likes to talk. She seems to have a more wisened air about her, much like S did when he was born. It is interesting with M I have noticed to birthmarks, one she has had literally since birth and it is a mark of three little indents on her chest, like someone poked her with a fork. The other just developed and it is a beige mark on her stomach. Someone told me that scars from past lives can show up on the new body. Although in Judaism there is a deep belief in past lives, I am not sure I believe that aspect, but it does make wonder just where she has been in the past. Would make for a great piece of fiction perhaps.
OK it is late here and I am missing out on sleep to post this blog.
Have a sweet and wonderful New Year.
Shana Tova!
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